College: A Reflection

Hello again!

Something exciting happened on Sunday – I bought my first car! I’ve been saving up for one for months, and I’m so happy that I’ve managed to save up enough to buy myself a decent car. All I need to do now is pass my test, which is within the next couple of months; fingers crossed that I pass first time!

Last Thursday marked my last proper day at college; I only have to go in for three exams and then I’m OUT. It feels absolutely mad knowing that college is over now, it only feels like yesterday that I started! Oh boy, that time has flown by.

I’ve been thinking about these past two years of college a lot recently. Two years is quite a long time, but it’s gone so quick and I’ve experienced a lot. I’ve been reflecting on it quite a bit, so I thought I’d share my experience of college on here, since that’s what I seem to do these days.

I’m going to split it into different sections, because if I don’t I feel like I could go on for DAYS about these past two years – once I start writing I can’t stop.

BEFORE

I left school back in June 2015 and was due to start college that September. My last couple of years at school were quite tough (which is something I’ll talk more about in a post I have planned for a few weeks time) so for me, college was a fresh start. In fact, at the time of me starting college I moved house, from my hometown, Lewes, of 16 years to living by the sea on outskirts of Seaford, so alongside starting college it felt like the beginning of a new chapter in my life.

Originally I wanted to do Biology, English Lang & Lit, and Photography, however after an open day I decided that I wasn’t clever enough to do Biology and I didn’t really like the idea of studying Literature anymore. Instead, I decided to take English Language A Level, Media Studies AS/A2, and Photography A Level. Two subjects were ones I wasn’t experienced in – I liked photography as a hobby so I decided to take it as a subject to broaden my knowledge on it, and Media Studies was a completely new subject to me but I had heard good things about it, so I threw myself into that one to try something new. English Language was a no brainer for me though; I’ve loved creative writing for as long as I can remember and English was my favourite subject in school, so I just had to do it at A Level.

SUBJECTS

Hmm, where do I start – with the good, or the bad? I’ll go with bad, just to get it out the way.

So, Photography. First year Photography was good. I enjoyed learning different techniques; how to use a camera, what different lenses did and how to develop images in a dark room. To begin with it just felt like I was doing my hobby inside of college, which I was totally okay with. I quite enjoyed it – since there wasn’t a proper exam at the end of year 1, it was quite chilled.

Then second year happened. That hit me like a ton of bricks.

Photography went from being so chilled to being the polar opposite. The thing I didn’t like was how your work had to resemble another photographer’s, and how each image had to have a deep meaning behind it. Like, whenever I’ve taken a photo I’ve taken it because I think it’d make a lovely photo, not because there’s some deep meaning behind it. One time I walked out of class because I didn’t find the work that was set beneficial – I’m really not a model Photography A Level student, I’m afraid! But that’s a story for another day. I put so much time and effort into that subject, and it felt like no matter what I did it was never enough, which is debilitating. So, overall, that A Level was pretty awful, although it hasn’t stopped my love for photography as a hobby.

English Language was pretty dull in first year. It was mainly learning about different word classes and the connotations drawn from particular lexis and all that. When we were doing Language and Technology, our class had to try and explain what a meme was to my teacher, which was quite funny. I loved my first year class, we all got on so well and we always had a laugh!

Second year was better than first year when it came to lesson content. There was more opportunities to do creative writing, which is the reason why I took the subject in the first place. With one teacher we did Child Language Acquisition, which was interesting but also really, really boring. With my other teacher we did a wider variety of topics, which I mainly enjoyed. On the whole I enjoyed the subject, but I just wish there were more opportunities to do more creative writing!

Media Studies is my favourite. My first year teacher made the subject really enjoyable. He was the kind of person that you had instant respect for. He told you how it was. If you talked in class, he’d tell you to ‘piss off.’ He addressed us as ‘f*ckers’ at times, and I thought it was hilarious. I think he’s the reason why I enjoy Media so much and that I seem to be half decent at it. In my AS exam I got 99 marks out of 100, which is my proudest achievement to date!

We were told that second year would be easier. Ha, funny one. It was so much harder. Since September, we’ve had to learn about three different industries, memorise nine case studies, apply a number of theories to these chosen industries and learn a shit load of terminology. It’s been time consuming to say the least. And now I’m going to University to carry this subject on. What was I thinking?!

Nah, in all seriousness, I really enjoy Media Studies and I’m excited to take it further at uni… if I get the grades I need, that is…

FRIENDS

Without my friends, I think college wouldn’t have been as good as it has been. I’ve made a whole new group of friends over the past two years, and I’m so happy that I’ve had the fortune of meeting this lovely bunch.

In first year I used to spend the gap between my second and third lesson with my friend, Thea, in the Performing Arts common room. I’ve been friends with Thea since Year 7, and it’s down to her that I’ve made two of my closest friends, Callum and Billie. I used to absolutely LOVE Tuesdays, even though it meant a 9-5 day at college. I got to spend time with my favourite people, and I can definitely say that I really missed those Tuesdays in second year.

Starting college also meant that I was reunited with my friend of 14 years, Chelsea. I met Chelsea in Nursery back in 2003 (I think?) – I was crying under a table – as you do -, and Chelsea found me. I also met my friend, Jane, the same way too. I used to cry a lot in nursery because they’d call me Harriet instead of Hattie – I’ve been petty from a young age. Chelsea and I went to primary school together, then when we went to different secondary schools so we didn’t get to see each other a lot. But when we were reunited at college it was like we’d never been apart. We’ve had such a laugh together, and she got me through Photography A Level – without her I probably would have gone mad!

Over the past two years I’ve also grown really close to my best friend, Rowan. I met Rowan in year 7 – we instantly became friends and we’ve been inseparable ever since. Rowan and I are so similar it’s spooky. We basically match in every way possible, even the amount of Instagram followers we have are the same! We have to message each other before we go anywhere together to see what the other one of us is wearing in case we wear the same outfit – trust me, it’s happened more than once. She’s the one friend that I can always rely on, the one friend that I know will always be there and the one friend that I could trust with anything. I just love her so much. Damn.

There are more friends  too – my T R I G G E R E D gals (we need another Galentines soon), my Media pals – that I’m so glad I’ve met. They really brighten up the dullest of lessons. I’m definitely going to dedicate a whole post to my friends in the near future, because they deserve more than a brief paragraph.

I’m gonna include my experience with boys in this section too, because, lets be honest, they never made it past the friendship stage. My experience with boys has been disastrous, I shit you not. I’ve been dumped after 23 hours and I’ve been left on read 8:10am, and the worst thing is that I STILL DON’T KNOW WHY both of these things happened. But one thing I do know is that I cannot be bothered with boys anymore, much to my parents’ delight. Bye huns, thanks for wasting my time xox (I’m most definitely not bitter).

COLLEGE AS A WHOLE

I’d say college was decent, overall. I liked going there, and I felt that my time there was valuable. The food selection was bangin’ – the hash browns were not to be messed with. Although, £1.35 for a bar of flapjack is quite steep. I think a few things were a bit ridiculous, for example the whole lanyard situation. Once, my friend got told that her wearing a lanyard was more important than her attending her lesson, which was just a stupid debate to begin, to be honest. Also, one teacher told us we weren’t allowed to wear coats in class; towards the end they started to treat us a bit like school kids. I also had quite a bad experience with sending off my UCAS application because I didn’t have a tutor, as my original tutor decided she didn’t want us anymore, so I didn’t have anyone to write my reference. Apart from that, though, college was alright.

I’d say that college was good for me. I feel that it’s made me more confident and independent, which helped with my anxiety a huge amount. Before college my confidence levels weren’t the highest and I thought I’d find it hard to make friends, but it was actually surprisingly easy. Mostly everyone at college was really friendly, and we all made the effort to get on with each other. During my time at college I’ve made friends, I’ve moved house, I’ve got a part-time job, I’ve been discharged from CAMHS, I’ve become a happier and healthier person, and I’ve got into the univeristy of my choice under a conditional offer. I couldn’t have wished for more than that, to be honest! On the whole it’s been a really positive experience, and I’m going to miss it.

That’s two years of college summed up in a blog post. There is so much more I could have written, but I think I would have been sat here for HOURS writing about it – I already spend a minimum of two hours writing a single post!

I hope you enjoyed reading, and I’ll be back again next week, as per.

Love, Hattie X

Review: Charlotte Tilbury Look in a Palette (Beauty Glow)

Hey lovely people. I hope you’re all well.

Something that people don’t necessarily know about me is that I’m actually really into makeup and all that jazz. I find those short videos that people upload to Instagram of them doing their makeup so therapeutic to watch. Unfortunately, I’m not blessed with the ability to do cut creases or do really sharp eyeliner, so I just stick to a natural and minimal everyday look and leave all the fancy looking stuff to the professionals.

Something that I managed to get my hands on recently is Charlotte Tilbury’s Look In A Palette, ‘Beauty Glow’. Charlotte Tilbury features a lot on This Morning (I get to watch a lot of daytime TV, being a student and all) and she also has a YouTube channel, which I am subscribed to. I absolutely LOVE watching her apply makeup; the way she talks about it makes it seem so magical and angelic! She’s used this palette on her channel before, and I decided that I needed it in my life – because, who doesn’t?!

The reason I didn’t buy it sooner was because of the price. It’s a wee bit expensive (£49; ouch), and I’m not really fond of parting with money, but I found it on John Lewis and since I’m a partner at Waitrose I get discount with John Lewis, so I justified this purchase on that basis – winner winner chicken dinner. I also got a lipstick at the same time, so I managed to get the lipstick and the palette for £54 in total, which broke my heart to part with that amount of money all at once but… it WAS my birthday money so I’m allowing it.

Saying that, you do get what you pay for, and this palette is proof of that. Oh. My. God. You can tell that this palette is good quality through the pigmentation and longevity that it holds. The finish of the palette – from the makeup to the packaging – is truly astonishing. Like, I’ve never possessed anything so luxurious before.

The palette comprises of three eyeshadows, a bronzer, two blush shades and a highlighter. They all have a number on, from one to seven, to show what order you should apply it and what the function of each powder is.

It’d be even prettier if my shaky hands didn’t slip causing me to take a chunk out of the ‘pop’ shade with my finger nail. Sigh.

The eyeshadows are labelled one to three – Brighten, Enhance and Smoke. I’d have to say that Brighten is my favourite shade, purely because of how it really opens up the eyes. I use it mainly on the inner half of my eye, or if I wear it by itself then I sweep it across the whole of my eyelid and blend it out. Enhance and Smoke are also really beautiful shades. They’re so pigmented – the first time I used Smoke I accidentally picked up too much on the brush and ended up with this blob of brown on my eyelid, which required a lot of blending to resurrect it! Brighten and Enhance are quite shimmery, which is something that I personally prefer to matte shades.

I think that the Bronze shade is perfect for my skin tone. It’s a really good shade for contouring but also for adding a bit of colour and life to your face, since it’s not too shimmery and makes you look sun kissed. Again, a little goes a long way, and I found that out the hard way! Bronzers I’ve used in the past have been too orange toned, which looks really fake, but this is gives a really natural and glowing colour to the face.

The two blush shades, Swish and Pop, are really pretty. Swish is quite dark and you really have to use this sparingly otherwise you look like you’ve got sunburnt cheeks, which isn’t really a good look. I’m still in two minds about Swish and haven’t fully made up my mind on if I like it or not, but I’ll give it a few more chances. Pop is more my colour blush – it gives a subtle, natural, rosy glow to the cheeks. Like Swish you do have to use it sparingly, but it’s such a pretty colour and I love it.

Finally, there’s the Highlight shade. I absolutely adore highlighters and it’s my favourite part of applying makeup. I get so much enjoyment out of tilting my head from side to side in the light just to see the glow on my cheek bones – I’m easily amused. This highligher is so gorgeous – whenever I wear it I feel like a golden, glowing goddess. It makes you look so dewy and lit from within, like I just honestly can’t get enough of it. It’s really pigmented and a little goes a long way, but you can never have too much highlight, right?!

So, overall, I think that this palette is worth every penny. The makeup lasts all day (providing that you user a primer beforehand and set it afterwards) and the packaging is oh-so pretty. I don’t think I would have bought it for myself if I couldn’t get discount on it since it breaks my heart to part with money nowadays, but it’d definitely make a lovely present for someone who adores makeup.

I hope you enjoyed reading this lil review as much as I enjoyed writing it! I love doing little posts like this – it feels so relaxed, plus I enjoyed getting out my camera to take some half decent photos for it too.

Au revoir!

Hattie X

How to Cope with Exam Stress

Howdy folks.

Today, as I was sat in my English class, I realised just how close my exams are. I’ve just completed my Photography A Level, which was stressful in itself, but now that’s out the way (thank God) I have three written exams to focus on. When I realised that my first exam is just 22 days away, part of me wanted to laugh, but most of me wanted to cry and crawl into the depths of my duvet and hibernate for a good few months. Oh boy. Aren’t A Levels such a joy?!

I’ve mentioned this before, but let me tell you now that I am the queen of procrastination. I’ve been putting off revision for months and months, telling myself that I’ll start revising in April; April has been and gone, and my revision notes are now covered in a thick film of dust from where I’ve barely touched them – well, they would be if my mum didn’t dust my room everyday.

The thing is, revising just stresses me out. I’m a natural stress head anyway. The last time I was relaxed was back in the womb. But I really don’t help myself whatsoever by procrastinating. As I’ve been putting off my revision and my first exam is just 22 days away, you can probably imagine that I’m a little bit stressed right now. So for the next month or so I’m really gonna get my head down and revise my ass off.

I researched some ways to help cope with exam stress, so I thought I’d share them here on my blog. I’ve also added a few of my own little tips too.

1. Don’t overdo it

The exams I’ve done my best in are the ones where I haven’t pushed myself too hard. I know of some people who have revised so much that they literally don’t give themselves a break from it, and when it comes to results day they find out that they haven’t got the result they wanted.
We all know that ‘The Inbetweeners’ episode where Will revises so much to the point where he doesn’t get enough sleep. He relies on energy drinks to get him through the day. And what happens to Will? He soils himself during his exam. Don’t be like Will. Do manageable amounts of revision, take frequent breaks, get a decent nights kip and don’t rely on energy drinks.

2. Eat well

Pretty obvious, but this is probably one of the most important things to do. For you to do well in your exam, you need to fuel your brain. Treat your body with love and it will give it back. It’s so tempting to nip down to McDonald’s and get some food (especially now, the American range is pretty damn tasty), and occasionally that’s okay, but your brain or your bank balance won’t thank you for it if it becomes a frequent thing. Eat all your meals – preferably ones that contain fruit, veg and all the good stuff – and provide your body with the fuel and the energy it needs to make it through these exams.

3. Sleep well

At times of stress or worry, it’s common to not be able to sleep as well as usual. I have a FitBit watch which monitors my sleep, and it’s really interesting to see the links between how stressed I’ve been feeling and the effect it has on my sleep. One thing that I’d definitely recommend is to not revise at least 2 hours before you go to bed. The more stimulated your brain is before you go to bed, the less likely you are to get a good nights sleep. Use the evenings to unwind. Have a relaxing bath, snuggle down with a hot chocolate and try to switch off.

4. Exercise

Exercise is like Marmite; you either love it or you hate it. I personally love it because it puts me in a good mood and helps me to de-stress. You don’t have to hit the gym or do a 5k run. Just a little walk, put on your favourite song and dance like an idiot to it, or even doing things like yoga will be enough. Exercise releases feel-good hormones, and who doesn’t want to feel good? Often with revision you can be sat there for hours with your head bent over a book, and it just doesn’t feel good at all. So making the time to be active is important.

5. Have a schedule

Stick to set times of revision. What I’ve been doing recently is writing down time slots of when I’ll do revision, for example 3pm-4pm, and what I’ll be revising in that time period. It helps to rationalise the scale of your workload and makes it feel more manageable. Similarly, make sure to schedule in time where you can do the things you enjoy, for example seeing your friends/family, any activities you enjoy doing etc.

6. Perspective is key

The way you look at exams are important. It may feel huge, but exams really aren’t everything. There are more important things than a grade on a piece of paper. The grade you get doesn’t define you or your level of intelligence. You can only do your best in an exam, so as long as you’ve done all you can do then you shouldn’t have anything to worry about.

Also, when you come out of an exam, just put it behind you. Try to avoid those conversations outside the exam hall where you talk about what answer you put for what question, because there’s nothing more stressful than finding out that someone put a different answer to you. I made this mistake last year, and ended up getting so worked up over it! The way I see it now is that once you’ve done the exam, that’s it over and done with. There’s no point thinking about what you could have done because it’s not like you can just go back in and quickly jot down an extra point or amend anything. It doesn’t do to dwell.

So that’s all for the exam stress tips. I’m going to try and bear all these things in mind when it comes to my exams. To me, my exams are important because I really want to get into university this year, so I’m going to try hard and put in as much effort as I can without getting stressed.

To those of you who are also going through exams right now, I wish you the best of luck! We can do this together.

Love, Hattie X

Mental Health Awareness Week

Hey hey hey!

I hope you’re all well. Unfortunately for the past few days I’ve been feeling poorly – on Monday I came home from college feeling exhausted and I had a sore throat, I didn’t sleep well at all that evening and then yesterday I spent all day in bed and barely ate anything. My throat really hurt this morning but it feels better now, so hopefully tomorrow I’ll be back to my normal self!

There’s been a change of plan with today’s post. Originally I was going to write about my 18^th birthday, however, as it’s Mental Health Awareness Week, I thought I’d base today’s post on that.

Mental illness affects everybody at least once in their lifetime, whether you suffer from any disorders yourself or if the people around you do. One in four people in the UK suffer from a mental illness each year. Mixed anxiety and depression is the most commonly reported disorder, with 7.8 in 100 people suffering from it, followed by generalised anxiety disorder (5.9 in 100 people) and depression (3.3 in 100 people).

Over a lifetime, 20.6 in 100 people have suicidal thoughts, 6.7 in 100 people have attempted suicide, and 7.3 in 100 people have self-harmed.

These statistics are, quite frankly, shocking and eye opening. They prove that ill mental health is more common than people seem to believe. Put it this way; the average family consists of two parents and at least two children, so if mental health disorders affect one in four people, at least one member within a family unit is likely to suffer from a mental illness – anything from anxiety and depression to phobias and eating disorders. And I don’t know about you, but if I found out that a family member was suffering due to their mental health, it’d break my heart.

But, despite it being so common, there’s still a stigma attached to it. That’s why we need ‘Mental Health Awareness Week’, so people can recognise that it’s a problem. And as much as I think it’s a good idea to raise awareness about it, it frustrates me that there’s a pressing need to take a week out of a year to recognise that it’s actually a growing issue.

The truth is that we shouldn’t have to have a week to remind people that mental health is an issue. It should be something that everyone is aware of. As someone who has suffered from GAD and panic attacks, I can’t express how frustrating it is that there are people out there who have a completely ignorant attitude towards mental health.

In the past I’ve heard people say that it’s ‘bullshit’, ‘made up’ or that people exaggerate their feelings. I’ve heard people try and compare times of them being sad to someone who suffers from depression. I’ve been told before to ‘snap out of it’, as if a mental illness is something that you can just easily stop. Just the other day, I heard someone refer to a mental health hospital as a ‘looney house’ while talking about someone they work with who had gone to hospital due to not being able to cope with their mental health. This is the kind of attitude that gets us nowhere, and this is why there’s still a stigma attached to mental health.

Note how earlier I said ‘reported’ when talking about the statistics of people suffering from mental illnesses. I say that because I suspect that, although those statistics sum up to a large figure already, there are still people out there who haven’t reported it and are suffering in silence. The scale of this issue is much larger than we’re lead to believe. People don’t report it because they’re worried about what others will say. They’re scared of being judged for feeling a certain way which they class as not being ‘normal’ because of this stigma.

A month or so ago, I went to the doctors because I felt like I couldn’t cope with the strength of the symptoms of anxiety that I was experiencing. The doctor sounded exasperated, like I was wasting her time. She showed no sympathy nor did she offer me any help. She made me feel like I was being over dramatic. She sent me off with a leaflet, essentially telling me to sort it out myself. That one experience made me realise why people would rather suffer in silence than confide and put their trust into someone who is meant to help you.

Don’t get me wrong, in the past when I’ve been to the doctors about GAD, I have been provided with help. I’ve been referred to CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service) twice, and the second time round was very helpful. However, the waiting list to receive counselling is so long – I think I had to wait 2 months before I had my first appointment. I was lucky enough to be in a position where I had help from my school and from others around me so I was able to cope with anxiety before I received help from CAMHS. But others don’t get that opportunity, and the harsh reality is that others can’t wait months before they get the help they need.

The amount of time a person has to wait before they can receive any help is awful. You’re expected to be able to to cope with it until that first appointment, but mental illnesses are not patient and you can’t just put your feelings on hold. If someone broke their leg it’d get treated straight away. So why shouldn’t someone who is suffering with their mental health be treated the same? Your mental health is just as important as your physical health, but because it isn’t always visible it’s not treated with the same sense of urgency.

The reason why waiting lists are so long is because of cuts that the government have made. It’s no secret that there has been cuts to mental health funding under the NHS. Last year, only 13% of NHS funding was received by mental health services, despite it accounting for more than a fifth of illnesses in the UK. A consequence of these cuts means that an estimated 10,000 sexual abuse victims have had to wait over a year to receive the help they need. That figure alone is frightening enough.

These cuts imply that the government don’t see mental health as a problem, despite it being a growing issue. If those in power don’t regard it as an issue then how can we expect anyone else to?

This is why people aren’t aware. This is why people are still ignorant. This is why there’s still a stigma.

We shouldn’t need to be reminded that this is a problem. We shouldn’t need to take a week out of a year to recognise mental health. It’s all well and good having a Mental Health Awareness Week, but I know that once this week is over and that media coverage of it lessens, there are other issues in this world that will be prioritised. And the stigma will continue.

So, I guess that the message of this post is; be aware. Choose to be aware. Read up about it. Understand what people go through when suffering from a mental illness. Learn how you can be there for someone. Don’t be afraid to challenge someone with ignorant attitudes towards mental health. And, if you’re suffering with your mental health, I urge you to speak up about it.

Being aware and understanding the scale of the issue takes us one step closer to beating the stigma surrounding mental health.

Below I will leave some links to websites which I think are useful so you can read up and learn more about it, if you wish.

I hope that this post opened your eyes up a bit more to mental health. Remember: health and happiness comes first, always.

See you next week.

Love, Hattie X

NHS: Mental Health – Live Well

Mind: Types of Mental Health Problems

Mind: Mental Health Statistics

Time To Change: Myths and Facts about Mental Health

Samaritans: Suicide Statistics

Childline: Mental Health

Mind: Helping Someone Else

18 Things I’ve Learnt in 18 Years

Hello lovely people.

Tomorrow (the 3^rd of May) is a big day… IT’S MY 18^TH BIRTHDAY! Holy guacamole. It’s weird to think that I’m going to be an adult. Absolute madness. Turning 18 is quite a milestone – I will be able to vote in elections and LEGALLY drink Prosecco. Winner winner chicken dinner.

On reflection, I’ve learnt a lot in my lifetime – more so over the past few years. For today’s post I wanted to share 18 things that I’ve learnt in my 18 years of existence. I believe that everything happens for a reason and that you learn a lot from experiences you’ve had; everything that’s happened since I left the womb has shaped me into the person I am today, and has taught me some valuable life lessons.

So, here we go.

1. Family is everything
   A little bit obvious, I know, but family truly is everything. As I’ve got older, the time I get to spend with my family is more limited – I’m at college 5 days a week, my mum, dad and brother all have full time jobs, I work Friday evenings and all day Saturday, so I only really get to see my family properly once a week. The times I do get to spend with them, however, are cherished and I enjoy every minute of it – whether we go out or even if we’re just sat in front of the TV. I just love being around them.
2. Family by blood doesn’t mean family by heart
   I grew up being really close to some of my relatives, but over the past couple of years we’ve grown apart due to issues within our family. Things have been said that are irreversible, and things have been done that are unforgivable. Sometimes it does get me down knowing that things will never be the same, but these things happen and we have to move on from it. By dictionary definition, a family is ‘a group of people related by blood or marriage’ and in that sense they are still my family. But family is so much more than blood – it’s about being there and supporting each other no matter what. Sometimes some family members can’t provide that and you’re better off without them; I have found family in friends and consider some step-relatives more of a family than to people I’m biologically related to, and that’s totally OK.
3. Eyebrows are IMPORTANT
   My 12 year old self thought it’d be a fab idea to pluck off the majority of my thick eyebrows. I knew it was a bad thing as soon as I did it, but there was no going back. People used to ask me if I had done anything to my eyebrows and I used to say ‘no, they’re natural’ like, who was I fooling?! My eyebrows didn’t just fall out overnight. Luckily, they are nearly back to their natural state. THANK THE LORD.
4. Be healthy
   And I don’t mean dieting. To me, being healthy is being happy. A happy lifestyle is a healthy lifestyle, so I try and live a lifestyle that I know makes me feel good. I joined the gym (again, ha) at the beginning of March when my anxiety started getting bad. Exercise releases endorphins so I thought I’d join the gym to turn my anxious energy into something that will make me feel good, and it’s had such a positive effect on me mentally and physically. I’ve noticed changes in my body and have more strength – before I joined the gym I couldn’t even do one press up, now I can do 1 set of 10. That may not seem a lot, but it makes me happy knowing that I’m treating my body well and that the hard work is paying off.
5. Don’t be afraid to walk away from a situation
   It’s okay to walk away from friendships/relationships that aren’t good anymore. Sometimes relationships are broken beyond repair, and as my dad says, ‘you can’t polish a turd’ (my favourite saying EVER). Walking away from a person/situation because it brings unnecessary stress makes doesn’t make you a bad person, and you shouldn’t be made to feel guilty about it. It’s the best thing in the long run.
6. Appreciate the small things in life
   Again, this is something anxiety has taught me. There are things that I took for granted before – travelling on public transport, eating out in restaurants, sleeping – that anxiety stopped me from doing and all I wanted was some level of normality back. I’ve learnt to appreciate the smaller things and I’m truly grateful for all the things I’m able to experience now.
7. Love your body
   Girl, your body is capable of some pretty amazing things, and you shouldn’t judge it for what it looks like – it’s what’s on the inside that counts. I went from being unhealthily skinny to being slightly overweight within a couple of years and it really lowered my confidence to the point where if size 8 clothes didn’t fit me I’d get myself into a right ol’ state. I’m now at a healthy weight that I’m comfortable in and I try and treat my body well. My body allows me to live the life I want to live and it’s only right that I give it some love back.
8. It’s okay to be selfish sometimes
   It’s okay to think about yourself and what you need rather than other people sometimes. It’s okay to take time out for yourself and to shower yourself with the love you deserve. TREAT YO’SELF.
9. If it won’t bother you later on, it’s not worth stressing over now
   This is something I’m still learning, I’ll admit, because I’m quite the stress head and have a tendency to over-think; if over-thinking was a subject then I’d get an A*. But I try and assess every situation to see whether if it’s worth fretting over or not, because there’s no point getting stressed and upset over something that I’ll just laugh about in a few years from now.
10. Eat to your hearts content
    Once at a family gathering, I was the first to the food table and a family member shot me down for it. Um, excuse me, but I’m just getting the good food before anyone else gets their filthy mitts on them. So what if my plate is filled with 50 sausage rolls, 7 slices of cheese and a mountain of cake. Sod off and leave me to eat my food in peace. People often get self-conscious about what they eat, and it’s a shame because food is da best. Eat what you want and don’t let other people’s opinions stop you.
11. Plan
    My mum has always taught me to plan ahead. Earlier this year I felt like I had so much to do and so little time to do it, so I bought a weekly planner and it helped to rationalise the scale of what I needed to do and made everything feel manageable. Of course there are unpredictable things you can’t plan, but you cross that bridge when it comes to it.
12. Live your life how you want to
    Your life is yours, and yours only. Make your own decisions and do things that you know will be beneficial to you in the long run. If you’re doing something that feels like it’s getting you nowhere, do something about it. Live your life to the fullest (ew, such a cliche).
13. Don’t stick to the status quo
    I love High School Musical, and ‘Stick to the Status Quo’ is such a banger, but the lyrics ‘no no no, stick to the stuff you know, if you wanna be cool follow one simple rule, don’t mess with the flow no no, stick to the status quo’ are not lyrics to live by. Don’t do things just because other people are, just do your own thing, and don’t be afraid to try new things. Be true to yourself and you’ll be a much happier person.
14. Don’t take things to heart
    I’ve learnt to not give as much of a shit, and trust me when I say that it’s a great feeling. I just wish I had learnt this earlier.
15. Let your business be your own business
    There are some things that you should just keep to yourself or between you and those who really matter. Don’t get people involved in things they don’t need to be involved with – for the sake of yourself and others.
16. Friends: quality over quantity
    ’Quality over quantity’ is something that my year 8 Spanish teacher used to say all the time when it came to our work. At school my friendship group was quite large and I genuinely believed that I’d still remain friends with all of them for the rest of my life, but 2 years later I have, like, 4 best friends and a few other friends that I’m close to. Over time I’ve made friends and I’ve lost friends, but there are only a handful of friends that have stuck with me since day 1 and they are the ones that I only really need. I’d rather have a few close friends that I know will always be there for me than LOADS of friends that I wouldn’t be able to confide in or trust as much as I do with my friends.
17. The smallest gestures mean the most
    Just the smallest things, like complimenting someone, being polite, asking someone about their day, making someone a banging cup of tea etc. mean the most. I used to think that showing someone you care meant big fancy gestures, but now I’d honestly be over the moon if someone bought me a McNugget Happy Meal.
18. The future is bright
    No matter what you’re going through, no matter how you feel in the moment, the future is bright. Let your future be the light at the end of the tunnel to find your way out of the dark times (wow, so poetic). Your future is what you make it, so make it a good’un.

That turned out longer than expected, but 18 years is a bloody long time to be able to learn those things I suppose.

I hope this life essay wasn’t too much to handle! I’ll be back ever so soon with a new post, as per.

Have a fabulous week!

Love, Hattie X