Stepping Out Of Your Comfort Zone.

Hey y’all. I hope you’re all fab.

First of all, I’d like to apologise for how late this post is. FOUR DAYS LATE. I’ve been a very busy gal with uni and all that, but at least I managed to publish one in the end.

So, in my blog post last week I talked about how *extremely* worried I was about starting uni, even though uni is a fresh, crisp chapter in my life which I was very excited about. However, after my first week at uni I realise I had nothing to be worried about. In fact, my first week has spurred me on to write this post.

For my post today, I wanted to talk about stepping out of your comfort zone. My first week of uni has made me realise how much I’ve had to step out of my comfort zone in terms of my anxiety, and I wanted to share my experience of it – because I am honestly so proud of myself.

I have always been completely honest and open about the fact that I suffer from anxiety here on my blog. I’m not ashamed of it; it’s a part of my life I have to deal with on a daily basis. Even if it is a bloody nuisance at times, it’s a part of my personality, and I just have to deal with it. Onwards and upwards.

I was so worried about starting university. I’m quite shy in social situations, so I was terrified at the prospect of having to meet new people and build relationships. I have to do a 25-minute commute on the train to uni every day, and because I’m not a fan of travelling on public transport I was worried about doing this. I was worried about Freshers Fortnight because I’ve never really been ‘out out’ as I hate dark, crowded places. In a nutshell, as much as I was excited for uni, I was also bloody terrified.

When you suffer from anxiety on a daily basis, it’s easy to slip into a routine to prevent your anxiety from giving you grief. It’s easy to not do things because you associate them with being anxious, for example I hate getting on trains because I’ve had many panic attacks on them, so now whenever I do get on one that pesky voice in my head likes to remind me those experiences.

Even though I had that pesky voice in my head telling me that I’d find these things hard, I carried on.  I have tested myself every day. I’ve woken up early and got on the train during the peak times when public transport is busy. I’ve had to meet new people and make new friends – which, by the way, was surprisingly easy because everyone is in the same boat and is worried about making friends. I’ve also been out clubbing TWICE this week, which is something I never thought I’d say, because I couldn’t think of anything worse than a dark, hot, crammed room and being elbowed in the face by some sweaty bloke – but somehow all my worries evaporated and I took it all in my stride.

There has constantly been that voice in my head telling me that I will get anxious, but I feel like I’ve just sort of learnt that I don’t have to be submissive to it. If anything, this week has made me realise that you have to push yourself, as daunting as it seems, to find out what you are actually capable of. Life is a lot more enjoyable when you tell that voice in your head to bugger off.

University is the reason why I get out of bed at the crack of dawn and push myself to do these things which are out of my comfort zone. And I know I’m only at the end of my second week, but I can already tell that these next three years of my life will be a chance to progress and develop myself – and to prove that pesky voice wrong in every way I can.

If you don’t step out of your comfort zone, you’ll never truly know what you’re capable of. Chances are that you are a lot more capable than you think, and it’d be a shame to live life in your own little bubble and not experience life outside of it.

Only you know your limits, but it doesn’t mean that you can’t test them. And if it turns out that you do find it challenging, then that’s perfectly okay. If you really want something to work, you will find a way round it. It’s all about trial and error and finding out what works for you.

Find your reason to get out of bed and be excited for the day, and push yourself to achieve magical things. You won’t regret it.

Love, Hattie X

 

 

University and Anxiety: A New Chapter.

Tomorrow is the day.

Tomorrow, I begin my life at university, and I could not be more excited if I tried.

I’m going to the University of Brighton to study Media Studies. I have no idea where this course is going to take me, but I hope it’s somewhere good. I’ve been thinking a lot about what I’m going to do after my course, and so far, I’m liking the idea of a career in journalism because I absolutely adore writing. However, in three years-time my ideas may completely change. But we’ll cross that bridge when it comes to it.

Although I’m not getting the full experience because I haven’t moved away from home, I’m so excited to see what student life entails. I can see myself sat in the library behind my laptop writing up my assignments, reading, wandering about campus wearing a Uni of Brighton hoodie (which is one of the first things I am getting, just so I can study in comfort). It feels like I’ve had to wait forever for Uni to begin, but now it’s finally here AND I AM SO HAPPY.

I wasn’t always planning on going to university. Back when I was at school and my anxiety first started, I was intending to leave education ASAP. I absolutely hated being education and felt so oppressed by it that I just wanted out. I was expecting to feel the same at college, however going to college was probably the best two years of my life – so far. College completely changed my perception on education, and it made me realise that I wanted more out of life. Studying Media Studies at A Level was such a blessing, and I’m so happy that I managed to find an area that I love learning about.

So, here I am. YA GIRL IS GOING TO UNIVERSITY. It still hasn’t quite sunken in, to be honest.

Like I said before, school is where my anxiety really started to influence my life daily. Four years later, although I no longer feel the need to receive counselling for it, it still affects me quite a lot. Recently my anxiety has affected my sleeping, how often I go out the house, and it’s also made me quite worried about uni. Also, I haven’t been entirely happy within my job and I’ve had panic attacks at work, which haven’t been fun in the slightest.

Admittedly, there are a few things I am worried about with uni. I’m worried that I’ll find it hard to make friends because I haven’t moved into Halls, I’m worried about Freshers because I don’t know anyone, I’m worried that I’ve hyped up university so much that when I get there it won’t actually be as good as I thought it would be, I’m scared that I’ll hate university or find it hard to cope with… Basically, despite being unable to contain my excitement, I’m also bloody worried about the whole thing.

When it comes to having anxiety, it’s easy to just want to stay in the comfort of your home all day and not want to go out. It’s easy to say ‘no’ to new opportunities and to shy away from going out of your comfort zone. I’ve been in that position before and I’m determined that I’m not going to let that happen while I’m at uni.

Applying for university is one of the things that I’ve done for myself to ensure that I will have a good future, and there is no way I’m going to let my anxiety interfere with that. Not today, Satan.

So, over the next three years, especially this year, I’m going to do anything and everything I can while I’m at uni to ensure I have the best experience possible. I’m going to go out whenever I can, join clubs and societies and work my butt off to make sure I come out of uni knowing I tried my hardest to have the best time. Hopefully, in three years-time, I’ll walk away from university with a degree and some of the best memories that I’ll hold forever.

Here’s to a new and exciting chapter in my life – a chance to progress and build myself, and to discover new things about myself. Cheers, my dears.

See you soon with a new post.

Love, Hattie X